“What did you dare to do/confront/face this year?”

Tweet translation: This is Nishikido Ryo. I’m doing a session with Twitter this time around. The #クリスマスボックス (Christmas box) from me is a signed calendar. With the hashtag #錦戸亮に願いを, please tweet your answer to “what did you dare to do/confront/face this year?” Give me a lot of tweets to go through ok (tweet translation provided by @eryotic via twitter - thank her she's really nice. For the video translation please visit her twitter account. )

With just a few days, 2019 will be over and 2020 will begin. This particular tweet that Ryo posted had been in the corner of my mind a few months before I have decided to finally quit the academe for good and finally, rediscover myself: from my interest to my own identity. I am not being melodramatic here but trying to recollect all my thoughts and building my own identity as a person who will do what she really wanted is not easy. Hey! It took me almost a decade to finally have the guts to say "NO!" to lots of things. Let me list those down:

1. Yes Man 

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2. Compromise, compromise, compromise 

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3. Who am I? 

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How did I end up saying 'no' these ideas? I realized I wanted to be like Ryo. I wanted to take on a new challenge in my life away from the perfectly modeled system of unjustifiable paycheck and an over-the-top workload. I wanted to break out of my usual cycle — home, work, home. I wanted to do something else like being in an event production team, blogging about my love for JPOP, learning Japanese, and have a job that will make me be gratified emotionally and financially but also, feel the immeasurable happiness that can never be purchased by any pay-check. That is what I want. 

I wanted to be as fearless as Ryo — setting up his own recording company, composing his true music, tweet and post random and insanely funny stuff in SNS — just being Ryo. I wanted to be like that. Doing things that I love.

Right now, my future is not as bright as I think but I will always look forward to those challenges ahead of me. Just like Ryo, even though life is one hell of a rollercoaster ride, I wanted that ride to be the best ride I have ever tried.