The term “fan,” according to Sullivan (2019), came from the word “fanatic” and is often  associated with religious memberships. At times, fans were given negative stereotypes and  were often portrayed in media as “misguided at best and delusional at worst” groups of people  (Sullivan, 2019, p.193; Baym, 2012, as cited by Galuszka, 2015). However, through scholarly  studies put forward by fandom media research, they explained that fandoms, as a subcultural  group, have become experts in their chosen media texts and had gained scholarly attention  amongst media scholars (Galuszka, 2015). They were described as active participants of their common interest towards their favored icon either online or offline (Chung et al., 2018, as cited  by Obiegbu, Larsen, Ellis & O’Reilly, 2019). Ratka (2018) mentioned in her literature that fans  have their own language since they have their own ideologies. Fandom communities share their insights towards their icon base on how non-fans would always have a hard time understanding  such dedication of reinterpreting the icon’s works. This idea of fandoms having their language  and perspectives was aligned with Jenkins’ (2018) claim that fandom practices participatory  media culture. Since fans themselves “poach” the media text and recreate the text based on  how they see it fits – from remake video to fan arts and even to translated video clips– they  express their appreciation towards their favorite icon in any way they can. 

I just finished all my post graduate requirements today! So happy!

But before I was able to finish it, it took me 2 weeks and 2 days worth of psychosomatic flu to finish it. I really thought I was sick. My body's temperature was normal yet I can feel I am hot inside. I do not have colds yet I got body pain.

However, I really have a hitch that it was caused by my anxiety over my post-grad tasks, and while I'm writing my paper and reading lots of papers to support my task, am like "what is a post-grad work anyway?" 

"How can one say a paper is created by a post-grad student?"

I did ask the same question to Ms. Wina, my technical writing professor, since she already has a degree. Yet, she has the same boggling thoughts as I am. 

How does a paper or output sound post-grad? If using hifalutin terms makes sense, or if you can read a lot of scholarly works in one seating, nah! Am not up for that. I took grad studies to develop my knowledge... I see awards as perks and not validations of my hard work. 

Don't get me wrong but I know taking up post grad studies entails one to read A LOT! However, does that make sense? Like after I read a lot, learn something about it — what's next? Thesis preparedness? I don't know... but the jargons can't just leave my thoughts here...

"Yap, this is predatory." 

For almost 7 years as an educator, this was the first time I heard that term. If I were to illustrate what was inside my mind during the time Ms. Wina was explaining what predatory journals are,  I swear I look like this:

As a backgrounder, my Technical Writing Professor, Ms. Edwina Bensal and I, were on the process of making our research and had a big stumbling block on our way — where to publish the study.

Upon remembering that I was subscribed to a certain publication journal God only knows where and how I searched it, then told Ms. Wina about it.  But good thing, she was vigilant enough to check that the publication journal was indeed predatory.

Predatory — I only heard this term in one of my science classes. We got the prey which is the main 'target' while the predator is of course the one that will hunt the prey. That was my simplest 'meaning making' out of it, which turned out to be true after all.

I was so happy when Ms. Wina posted her blog entry about predatory journals! Not gonna lie but I immediately read it and shared her entry on my Facebook account for my friends to know too since some of them were also taking up their post-grad studies and one of the requirements for graduation (for the schools that I have been this is a requirement, not sure for the others) would be to publish our study.

I admit am a weird media consumer. I easily get persuaded however at times I do try to use my head (ahaha). Well normally, I get persuaded to buy things Ryo recommends (yeah my Rumbler tumbler, Maybelline Eyeliner, and that Saborino face mask... and his con goods) but I do not regret those because so far my purchases which involves Ryo are good and of good quality.

But yeah, right now as I get into the habit of watching documentaries about healthy living and fake products on Netflix, And again as a weird consumer, I believed those documentaries (haha). Right now due to 'SEASPIRACY', I am lessening my meat consumption, then came "Broken', and am like "I just bought a face mask in HK... and this documentary kept saying stuff..".. yeah the paranoid me jumped.

But so much to that, I should just be chill right? Well, the paranoid part started when I bought something in Lazada and was scammed (considering the shop that I 'shopped' has a LazMall logo). Anyway, I'll just be careful and be a not-so-paranoid consumer.

*Watching Hitler-A Career to cleanse my media palette

I have decided that starting tomorrow I need to take a back seat from the fandom. Though to be honest fandom posts and discourses have helped me understand my lessons in post grad, I just feel embarrassed using those as reference to my assignments and discussions. I feel like I need to set a mature mind now. I must branch out from my comfort zone and be more open to other media related ideas. 

I do stalk but maybe up to looking only at some posts and happenings. 

Also, I have no idea when I can fully come back, because as of now I have decided to not even buy merches and goods not because I am depriving myself but more like I need to just get out, go back to my normal system.

Please do not misunderstand me. I do not say that fandom has made me into what I do not want, rather I just want to... be alone...

Aside from a weak internet connection and a frustrating fan life, I manage to enjoy watching some hardcore, blood-spewing, chilling, and the suspense-fun-filled movie on Netflix. It was cool! I love that screaming intense thriller feeling though after watching the film, I realized how it was just full of that but still good movies!

Then after watching #Alive which was the final movie on my list, I checked up on my friends and fandom friends on IG and happen to saw one of my friend's IG stories and featured Elona Holmes. She even added as a remark that it was a good movie. I have seen the trailer and thought that it was just for teens but since this friend of mine, who I happen to know personally and had a good eye for good films, made me tickle my curiosity and watched it.

To be honest, before I watch the film I already had my bias perspective towards the Sherlock Holmes series and the movie. Of all actors, I would always go and choose Rober Downey Jr. He will always be my image of Sherlock Holmes though Benedict Cumberbatch and Henry Cavill (in Elona Holmes) were cool too, sorry guys but Robert has stolen my heart for Sherlock Holmes, and Iron man HAHA!

Last week I did a short goodbye to my friends in SNS... These people were my closest companions for the whole quarantine and we've been virtually close ever since. Aside from that, I can be more "me" with them since they do understand my interest. 

Of course, since I am more into Twitter than in any social media site and waking up looking at 'how is everybody doing' and stuff, Twitter essentially became part of my routine — from National news to Fandom news — it has been a must to look at tweets.

Recently, as I have mentioned in my last post, I decided to take on a new challenge — take a break from SNS and focus on my licensure exam. Originally, the exam should have been conducted last March 29, 2020, but due to the pandemic, it has been postponed. I do look at it positively since I am underprepared. I've been balancing school work and reviews but still, the 'lazy ass me' kept winning or work has been piling up and I need to keep up. During that time, I realized I needed a new environment that's why I went to local coffee shops to do my review and so far it did work well for me.